Okay....Okay...I Know...I Know.... 

Okay....Okay...I Know...I Know....

If you actually ventured into my site and actually see the first and last time I blogged....I know...I know there is just no excuse for it! Well, I am starting to peek out of the cave I have created for myself. I haven't figured out yet if I am brave enough to physically come out yet. I mean all of this metaphorically, of course. I haven't literally been in a cave, silly! I have been in my own little hibernation period the last few months and it has been nice but as the saying goes "seasons change." By hibernating, I mean that I really haven't gone out...like really OUT like I used to. I have been a lot of places and have done a lot of things in the last few months but I was always under my family's watch. It's nice but what I am realizing is that I am denying a part of who I am. I was scared that the "crazy girl" image that I had back in vb was what I was actually becoming and that it wouldn't just be an image any longer. However, the "crazy girl" will always be a part of me and to deny that completely will surely send me to the nut house. I need to find a happy medium between the crazy and the domesticated side. It's easy to be the serious domesticated but sweet girl here. First of all, people are very serious up here and god are they competitive. I live in an area where it is fashionable to be competitive about your excesses that you have acquired. It's a little sick when I really think about it. Hence, that is why people are so serious around here. Dating here is also serious. You know if you go out with someone once or twice it doesn't mean that you are a couple just yet. Well, you would hope so. Here the second date pretty much means your serious enough to consider marriage. My family pretty much had me married off to a guy that I hadn't even gone out on a first date yet or even met! I did go out on a first date with this guy, this was a Sunday. By Monday morning, my cousin's secretary was asking me how my date went! Don't get me wrong I love the fact that my family is rooting for me that I will find someone but whoa... This is all too overwhelming for a person like me. I think most of my family has got the hint that I don't need the extra "push" onto the marriage block. I am trying to enjoy some alone time right now. I will be 29 yrs old this year. Out of those 28 years, I spent a quarter of my life with a complete jackass, 4 years with another one, and almost 2 years with another guy. Add them up, total of 13 years of my life dedicated to men. A little scary. I am not even counting the little 'on the side' relationships I have had with other men during 4 year guy and 2 year guy. That can of worms is a little too big for me to open right now. So all I am asking for now is a little "me" time. However, everyone else around me keeps reminding me how time goes by and something about a clock ticking. Sometimes, I feel like I have an expiration date illuminating from me that everyone else can see but I am oblivious to it. Does anyone else feel like this? Or can it just me and my dramatic delusional thinking again? Well, until next time....