Life As I See It and Then Some.... 

It's so hard to say goodbye : (

Okay so the goodbyes have started....and saying goodbye just sucks. People always try to sugarcoat it but the bottom line is that it sucks. I just wanted to share how i really felt about the process of saying goodbye. I think I am still in denial that I am leaving. I have been in this weird zone lately in which I feel I am living someone else's life not my own. Very weird feeling. Well, the countdown is getting shorter and shorter and I still running late as usual. I am still trying to finish packing.....Man I am getting a little tired of condensing my life into smaller and smaller areas. When I left my house I had to condense all my stuff into my parent's house, then moved to a condo but didn't really condense too much more there, when I moved to NJ had to condense everything into a compact 4 dr sedan, now I am condensing down to 2 suitcases. I am telling you my theory of just having enough clother to survive for a week is about where I am heading. I have to do this by tomorrow morning. I have some more goodbyes to do tomorrow and then I get in my car to make my last drive down to VB for quite awhile. I will be there for a few days then I hop on a few planes to travel halfway across this earth to Hawaii. Then a new chapter in my life begins.....hopefully it will be as interesting if not more than all my past chapters in my life so far. Interesting but always an adventure....I will keep everyone posted as my adventure begins.

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

The Countdown has begun....

Now with most of my major summer shenanigans slowing down a bit, I now have time to start planning on my venture across to the other side of the world. In other words, my heart palpitations begin. Everything has been status quo so far because I have not had a moment to sit and think about the logistics of my move to Hawaii. Remember my speed bump analogy? Well, going through that whole thing again. This is another major life change in less than 2 years that I am putting myself through and I know it will be fine but....still very overly anxious. I know that most of you are thinking-what does she have to complain about? For God's sake she is going to live in Hawaii. I understand the nonsympathy perspective angle and I am not looking for sympathy at all. I am just projecting my anxiety about the big change that is going to happen in my life in about a month. Goodbye to doing weekend visits to my friends on the East Coast, goodbye to seeing my family on a regular basis, goodbye to everything that has become the norm to me. That is what all my anxiety boils down to...finding normalcy again in a different type of environment w/out my usual support system being so close to me. Plus I have so much stuff I have put off until now to start getting done within this month. This is one of my major character flaws-PROCRASTINATION. I don't deny it. I have actually accepted it in my more adult years. So this I do not project on anyone but just stating a fact of my own life. I definitely need to start working on this flaw. Hmmm...maybe later ; ) Well, I just wanted to vent as usual to my random readers. I am doing this hair thing so I must go for now. Hope all is well w/ everyone.

Love and kisses,
Rosebud

My Crazy Summer Shenanigans So Far

It has been crazy busy for me so I have not had time to philosophize my views with everyone. I know how much everyone misses that! So there will be no philosophizing in this blog just a rundown of my goings on in the last 6 weeks:
-Went to the Blink 182/No Doubt concert. It was a good time. I was pleasantly surprised I must say on the show.
-Had a couple of graduations in the month of June to celebrate w/ the fam.
-Went to the Madonna concert on her opening night at MSG. All I have to say on that experience-"AWESOME". Mike you were there so you can vouch on that for me : )
-Took a ride in a Ferrari on the same day of the concert. "I feel the need for speed." I would definitely be way too dangerous if I actually owned a vehicle like that!
-Hung out in PA for a day w/ some cool people ; )
-Went out in Mo-Town and had a few too many martinis and whatever else and all of a sudden I have a new name-"Mona" by the end of the evening. It was one of those unexpected random men pick up nights. Hey, it was like meant to be- 3 of us and 3 of them : )
-Saw Fahrenheit 911. All I have to say on that-Controversial.
-Went out w/ the boys in the City and saw a lot more boys. Discovered the very hip trend of unisex bathrooms. Good Times : )
-Did a Boston drive by in one day. We did stop to have lunch on Newbury Street.
-In one week was in six states and that does not even include the states I drove through. My ass has seen some mileage--okay you can stop on the snide comments ; )
-Last weekend had a blast in Savannah-that my friends I must save for its own little blog. The stories I have-I promise the innocent will be protected!
-This weekend going to VB to celebrate my friends. Thats what its all about-celebrating your friends : )

Still have not unpacked from a few days ago so really I just need to rearrange. Not sure what next week has in store for me yet but I will try to be better about updates so I can throw some of my "life as I see it" comments in there. I know how much my few random readers anxiously anticipating them.LOL. I hope all is well with everyone and keep those pics and updating emails coming. I love to see/read them. Well off to being- ON THE ROAD AGAIN : )

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

WOW...Was not expecting that!

I know that the last blog was a little on the harsh side but I was not expecting the reaction that I received from most of you. I did not write it to get a reaction but more to get it off my chest and forget about it. But WOW on the reactions I received to it. I guess I touched on a sore subject with most people. Eventhough we live in such a technologically advanced world in which we are able to keep in touch with each other in more ways than we were able to in the past, we are just not able to keep up. I believe because of all this great technology to make our lives easier, it has just made it so we can fit in more into our already crammed schedules. However, we have put our personal lives and our humanity on the dusty shelf that has the label-"To Get Back to When I Have Some Free Time." Honestly, who has this almost nonexistent "free time?" I mean, for example my weekend: I had Saturday off so I was going to get so much done (yeah right), had plans to go to one state but it ended up changing into going to another state within 24 hours, thought I would get some rest this weekend (lol), and ended up changing my plans at least 3 times in one day. And this is one of the weekends I thought I would have some "free time!" That never happened and neither did half of what I wanted/needed to get done. So I understand busy and I sympathize.
On a lighter note, I recently received such a sweet email from the "One" that made me change my mind about relationships for a moment. I had spoken to him recently on the phone and he had brightened my day just by the sound of his voice. Then he sent me an email that was so sweet that I almost melted when I read it. The only,but major, downfall with him is that he is so far away. He is back in Spain now and with my summer schedule being the way that it is so far, I can't visit him. There's a possibility that he might be in the States sometime this summer but its slight. However, my dilemma lies within my heart. I always feel torn when it comes to other men in my life. Is it okay to love more than one? Eventhough, I can love more than one for different aspects. Is it cheating? Or is it me just feeling guilty for no reason? Or maybe I'm getting a little softer in my old age! The heart, so strong yet so fragile. Well, off to bed I go to start another week of chaos. Hope all is well with everyone....

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

Warning:"If you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen"

I am not feeling like being really nice right now but I will warn my few random readers that this babbling is not a "nice" one. I am going to vent because I have been pissed, irritated, and inwardly seething this whole past week. For what reason or reasons you may ask...that is if you even minutely give a shit. And no, I am not PMSing. I had a few "AHA" moments this week that were not so enlightening but more on the depressing side. I am coming to terms with the fact that I can't please everyone and that I don't know why I try to bend over backwards for everyone else when I don't even get a bend from most of these people. Yes, I am talking about family and friends. Who knows it might even be you reading this that I am talking about. Yesterday I celebrated an important event in my life and the only people that acknowledged it were my "new" friends and some of my family. I had thought that it wasn't a big deal and so what it's just another thing I accomplished. But you know what...It is a big deal. For those that are wondering what this event was that consider themselves close to me, well I guess you are going to have to keep wondering. If you had tried to make any contact with me in the last month, you may have known. I understand about being busy and having a overflowing plate of shit to do. For God's sake, I am the Queen of that plate. And yet I still try to find the time to keep in touch, acknowledge life events, and even visit. So from here on out, I am not going to make the extra effort any longer. I will only go the extra mile for those who care enough to try and fit me into their busy schedule to say "hello" once in awhile, acknowledge my life events, and maybe even try to visit me. I know, that may be asking tooo much from my loved ones. It's a travesty that I even have to vent about this but that is exactly how I feel right about now. So "If you can't take the heat, you can get the hell out of MY kitchen!"

Disappointed,
Rosebud

Be careful for what you wish for..you might just get it

I think we have all had someone say that to us at least if not more than once in our lifetime. It stinks when we can relate to it in the here and now. I want to let everyone know that doesn't know by now that I was accepted at my top choice in Hawaii. Now I am excited but in a freaked out way. I mean now its a reality not something I was just dreaming about. It's a little overwhelming when I think about it. I will be 30 later this year and I will probably experience my first bout with homesickness. I am definitely not making any weekend trips back to the east coast while I am there. I will be back though for winter break and summer break. I will tell you this..I will reinvent the term "beach bum". LOL. I think my apprehension over this has been heightened over a lot of other things that have been going on in my life. But that's for another blogging moment or moments ; ) Tell me how you guys are doing and what's new with you.

Aloha,
Rosebud

Going back to VB...

Just for a week. So for those of you that got all excited either in a good or bad way, you can calm down. The timing just worked out that I can come down for a week so I am taking advantage of it. I am always doing the 24 hour visit and I am starting to get the guilt trips from others and I am feeling personally guilty for not being able to spend any time down there. On another note, on my last blog, I would like to thank my commentors. Very thoughtful and helpful comments. I don't want anyone to think that I am having any major issues going on in my life or any drama of any magnitude. Actually, I am pretty satisfied with the way things are going in my life. However, there are times that I get overwhelmed with the BIGGER questions that life throws at me. I know this is no different for anyone else. I just wanted to vent out at that moment to anyone that would listen and I thank the listeners for listening. When I think back to a little over a year ago and all the bullshit I was in then, my life is cake. So I am grateful for my newfound clarity in life and when I tell you grateful..I am definitely not joking about the difference it has made in me and the way I perceive things in life. And people used to think I lived for drama. The fact of the matter is that the drama drove me crazy, literally! Okay enough babbling on how grand my life is now...
I want to bring up something else to ponder on before I go. Okay you can stop rolling your eyes now...lol. When it comes to love and relationships, should we wait for the hypothetical Mr./Ms. Right or maybe give Mr./Ms. Right Now a chance to run the relationship marathon with us? I am so out of the loop when it comes to relationships that I am not sure if I am in one until I am informed by the other party. And this is when I give the look that says: I thought we were just "hanging out" the whole time. That never gets a good reception from the other party. So wait for Mr. Right or give Mr. Right Now a chance? Thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Enough of my babbling (for now)....Until next time...

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

Another one of my moments...

Why is it that in my endless journey of finding all the "right" answers in my life that there are always those annoying misplaced larger than life speed bumps that make me slow down enough to think about things? (I know that last sentence/question was a little on the long side but I am not trying to win any grammar awards) Its okay when I am running around and just making quick decisions like, "should I wear a jacket or not today?" or "It's 5pm Tuesday, am I where I should be right now?" You know simple "right" answers. The larger than life speed bumps that I am referring to are the downtime moments. Maybe that's why I am always on the go...I think I may be a little downtime phobic. Everytime I have some downtime, those are the moments that everything that I was trying to keep ahead of and everything that I was racing to collide into one big speed bump. Then I am forced to slowly go over it and by "it" I mean EVERYTHING. These are the moments that my life feels a little overwhelming and then if I am going over it too slowly the doubt starts creeping in. I know I am babbling on about nonsensical BS but a few recent situations in my life have come up and so did a "speed bump." So I am venting this out to anyone that will listen. However, I would like some feedback on my metaphorical "speed bumps." Does anyone understand what the hell I am talking about here? Well, I am done venting so now I must try to get some shut eye. Until next time....

Love and Kisses,
Rosebud

Those Bloody Brits and their Chappy Ways...

I just came back a couple of days ago after a week in London. I want to say that it was an incredibly awesome time. I would recommend it to anyone to go there. I went to VB for a day and a half before I went to off to London. So as you can guess, I started my trip out pretty damn sleep deprived to say the least. Of course I didn't get to catch up on any sleep while I was there either. The trip started out to be a cross between National Lampoon's european vacation and some scenes of "Just Married." The hotel definitely knew what room we were staying by the first day! It was one adventure after another but they were wild ones though. We partied like Rock Stars at night and we were dorky american tourists during the day. The only complaint is that it is so damn expensive over there. You are not surviving on $100 a day if you want to eat more than crackers and actually have a water too! I am being a little overdramatic but not by much. They definitely know how to party over there. My father lived there for 5 years a long time ago but he still considers it his "turf" and I can see why. I have to say it was an incredibly awesome experience and I would go back there again in a minute. We have a lot of great footage and pictures, which I will try to develop before the summer! Those damn Bloody Brits and their Chappy Ways have got me hooked..lol. I hope this finds everyone well. Until next time.....

Love and kisses,
Rosebud

Life as I see it at the moment...

There are moments that I have that are just deep questioning moments and I end up in a deeper thought/questioning mode. Like the moments where I wonder what if? Those moments usually end up day long pondering. You know the "what if I had done or said something different in this situation?" moments. Would life be better or worse? I know most people have these moments also but I seem to be having a lot of them lately. Maybe because I will be entering my 30s later this year or maybe because I have a lot of decisions I have to make regarding my present future or maybe I have been more sober than not lately. Or it could just be all of these combined that are influencing my mind to wander into these answerless moments. Valentine's Day was great. I spent it with my "boyfriend" and all of his friends. It was fun because it was the first time that I was in a room full of men and I didn't have to worry about being cheesily picked up on. I could just be one of the girls but with men. It was definitely a refreshing experience. It also made me realize that men go through the same emotions as women when it comes to relationships and dating. However, most men try to hide these emotions behind the "I am man hear me roar" facade. Hint: Most women are tired of the roaring and they just would like to have a normal conversation without all the pretentious gender bullshit added to it. I am still on the rail about what I should do about "the one." This may sound silly but I feel guilty even thinking about seeing someone else. And most of you that know me, know that this "guilt" feeling is not something that usually pertains to me. However, I also feel that its a lost cause and I should just move on. I just need to somehow get rid of this foreign feeling of guilt. Oh well, I guess time will only tell. I have also been thinking about VB a lot lately. I really miss my pets, friends, and family. I wonder sometimes where I would be right now if I would have stayed. Probably doing the same things and still dealing with the same bullshit drama and men. Those are the things that keep reminding me of why I made the decision to leave. It would probably be different if I came back because I'm a little different. I have focus now and I have also learned that drama in life is overrated. We all have drama in our lives, some people more than others. But I think the way we survive the drama and hopefully learning from it is what makes us stronger people in the end. There a lot of lessons in life that I have learned so far that I have been really hard and torturous but in the end it's made me feel stronger. I know I am just babbling on and on and I could keep going but I will save all you from the torture ; ) I have to work on some college apps anyway so until next time.....Love and kisses

Rosebud